The Discipline of Listening
April 28, 2010 by Jeremy
“Iraq will become a country, if it has not already done so, where it is advisable not to have children,” says the Iraq Minister of Women’s Affairs, before speaking of a gravedigger in Fallujah who digs 4-5 graves daily for children, most of whom are deformed. While official numbers say the overall incidence congenital birth defects is only up “2-3 per year,” there is strong evidence to the contrary.
What should our response be when scientists and medical professionals suggest the chemicals comprising Coalition weapons used throughout the war left behind a legacy of newborns with scales for skin, two heads, spina bifida, or wreckage where the heart should be? It conjures memories of Saddam Hussein’s use of chemical weapons on the Kurdish and Shi’a populations of Iraq, which also left a heightened incidence of birth defects still prevalent today. When we add intra-family marriage and underdeveloped prenatal care to the equation, the questions of value-based impact in Iraq become overwhelming:
What constitutes high-impact for children born with congenital disorders? Are palliative, non-corrective interventions an advisable investment? Is a policy that selects only those who are most-likely to receive a “total correction” preferable? Is that fair? Is it right? Does it say something about our values when we invest in one over another?
When financial and human resources are limited, we are thrown quickly into a life-and-death discussion in which we not only triage children; we triage our very values.
Most everyone agrees “women and children first.” But if every child cannot be served, how should we spend our finite resources to make the most significant impact? What values should guide us?
It’s a highly personal question. But it should also be a communal question. We should not be left to our best individual guesses, nor guided by our whims and fancies. We should not fail to think about impact, priority, and purpose in our giving and serving. Research shows that most give for personal reasons before giving for the sake of others (and, I’d suggest that there is little wrong with that… see article one, two, and three). I might give to assuage my guilt or to be a part of something significant. I might give because I believe it is fundamental to my faith. I might give because I want my children to be marked by a character of deference. And, yes, I might even give because I want children in Iraq to live; to know that I was a part of that; to know my life matters.
But in order for me to really know my gift matters – that is, to be sure that my gift is significant beyond making me feel significant – I must understand the context of the problems I seek to solve with my giving. That is why the Discipline of Listening is crucial for any act of giving to be an act of love. The impulse to give may arise first in my heart from my need to feel significant, but an act becomes truly loving when it moves beyond personal preference and seeks to maximally benefit the recipient. And in order to know what benefits the community of recipients, we have to listen well.
In Iraq we face this every day. In whom should we invest our limited resources: (a) the child with the best story, (b) the child with the highest urgency, (c) the child with the greatest likelihood of long-term vitality? We’ve arrived at our values through years of listening to the community we serve–and we are constantly reevaluating them. So when it comes to selecting a child for lifesaving heart surgery, we live in the tension between our impulse to be “last chancers” and our instinct to be “long termers.” But we prioritize according to a regularly scrutinized impact matrix derived from the Discipline of Listening.
When facing 24,000+ children in Iraq waiting in-line for lifesaving heart surgery*, there is great risk in rushing to action, which can lead to an unnecessary duplication of services, redundancy of resources, and – most critically – the failure to leverage indigenous passion toward long-term, local solutions.
But when we practice the discipline of listening in our local and global communities, we increase the likelihood that our actions will not only be well-intentioned, but that they will actually be effective and loving.
Did you like this post? Get the latest news and free merchandise offers before it makes it to our blog by subscribing to our free newsletter!
![]() |
Jeremy Courtney lives and loves in Iraq as a co-founder and Executive Director of the Preemptive Love Coalition. He's also the father of two spectacular children, and married to the lovely Jessica Courtney. When not absorbed in PLC work he can be found writing songs and singing about hope and future. Follow Jeremy on Twitter: @JCourt. |















