read our blog »
Preemptive Love Coalition Home   Lifesaving heart surgeries for Iraqi children in pursuit of peace between communities at odds.


Donate Now!

Loving by Covering—How Gender Frustrations Showed Me The Real Meaning Of Preemptive Love

August 9, 2012 by · Leave a Comment 

A photo of summer intern

One of the most well-known Muslim values is modesty.

Foreigners, however, often have a hard time adapting to the culture because they simply weren’t brought up in it. Women especially are expected to dress and carry themselves modestly, which I really appreciated throughout my internship. I learned a lot from women who saw my head covering as a sign of self-respect rather than oppression.

Needless to say, because this culture values modesty so highly, foreigners are generally perceived to be very loose. Something I didn’t expect before I got here was the local stereotype of Chinese women. It’s no secret to any of the locals that many Chinese women come to work at “massage parlours,” and that many of these establishments act as a front for prostitution. When I discovered this stereotype, I decided it was even more important for me to fight against these preconceptions by dressing and behaving modestly.

Despite the fact that Iraq arguably has some liberal cities, it is still very much a patriarchal society. Anything “shameful” between genders is usually put on the woman, and men are afforded much more flexibility. For instance, when a man and a woman shake hands (a rarity), it’s more likely to be viewed as shameful for the woman than the man. Obviously this means lots of leering and inappropriate comments, which we girls have to learn to ignore.

I felt like developed pretty thick skin to the men’s heckling, but one day when I was alone at the downtown bazaar, I had an entirely different experience. I definitely felt more targeted and men would come up behind me saying, “Massage? Massage?”, “How much?”

After several advances, I could feel my blood beginning to boil. It took all my willpower to avoid turning around and lashing out at them. As I was seriously contemplating yelling at someone, I asked myself, “What would that achieve?” Acting in anger would only make them think that foreigners are uncivilised. But what else was I supposed to do?

As I thought about this more, I realized it was ignorant for me to expect a perfect culture that required no adjustments and had no issues. Like every other culture in the world, Iraq is far from perfect. How hypocritical of me to say I want to care for these people and yet only include my girl friends and children with heart defects in that group.

But how do you respond in (the appropriate kind of) love to brazen advances from men? How do you even begin to love people who reduce you to little more than an object or idea? And what difference would it even make to them? Yet this is a perfect example of what “preemptive love” means. I cannot count the number of times our Executive Director, Jeremy Courtney, has reiterated the meaning of preemptive love. As a part of this organization, preemptive love should go beyond my work. It is a love of initiative; it is unconditional. If we cannot show preemptive love in our daily lives and difficult circumstances, how can we claim that our love is genuine? I should not demand respect from people in order to love them.

It sounds simple in theory, but in practice it is still beyond me. Dressing modestly and covering are obvious ways, but these are just starting points for me to adjust the lens through which I view people. Living in Iraq for the summer has made me more aware of my circumstance and interactions with people, and the lessons I’ve learned here about modesty and love will stay with me for the rest of my life.

 width= Hailing from Hong Kong, Monique's background in film and communication make her the perfect choice for our Video Intern position. She is spending her summer documenting life in Iraq through writing and videography, helping with office administration, and—inshallah—teaching the entire PLC staff how to make delicious Chinese dumplings!

Ramadan—The Spirit of Giving

July 25, 2012 by · Leave a Comment 

The month of Ramadan is an important time in the Muslim world with its emphasis on communing with God through fasting, praying, and giving to the poor. As a group based in Iraq, most of the people we interact with
here—friends, neighbors, coworkers, surgery kids, etc.—are Muslim, and most of them observe and celebrate Ramadan.

With that many people caring about it around us, it’s no surprise that we have grown to care about the month as well. We see it as an opportunity to reestablish what we have in common: a love for God and a desire to care for needy children and their families. This video offers a unique glimpse into our community here and why we want to partner with you this Ramadan in saving children’s lives.

To join us in caring for these children, please consider helping us save a life this Ramadan by funding medical supplies below!

meds Donate a surgical supply kit to save a child’s life this Ramadan.

 width= Hailing from Hong Kong, Monique's background in film and communication make her the perfect choice for our Video Intern position. She is spending her summer documenting life in Iraq through writing and videography, helping with office administration, and—inshallah—teaching the entire PLC staff how to make delicious Chinese dumplings!

In a Word: “Call”

December 21, 2011 by · Comments Off 

The view from atop a Mosque's minaret in Kurdistan.
A view from the minaret of a local mosque as the call to prayer sounds.

As Communication Director, Matt Willingham spends most of his time trying to get the word out on PLC's work in Iraq. On the side, he likes reading stories, devouring the great food his wife cooks up, and DSLR camera work. He's also mildly obsessed with Twitter: @mehtin.

In a Word: “Juice-in-a-Bag”

August 31, 2011 by · 1 Comment 

A local juicer

A local boy sells juice for the end of Ramadan and Eid al-Fitr.

As Communication Director, Matt Willingham spends most of his time trying to get the word out on PLC's work in Iraq. On the side, he likes reading stories, devouring the great food his wife cooks up, and DSLR camera work. He's also mildly obsessed with Twitter: @mehtin.

In A Word: “Pastime”

August 24, 2011 by · 2 Comments 

Sisters, Samu (14) and Shayhan (17) spend the long afternoons during Ramadan napping and reading.

For more great Ramadan photos, check out the 30 Days Of Forgiveness series by our very own photographer, Lydia Bullock.

Lydia Bullock wrote and photographed for us during the 2010 summer internship and then again for 7 months in 2011. She documented surgical missions in northern and southern Iraq. See more of her excellent work on our Flickr stream, or follow her on Twitter: @lydiabullock.

Understanding Ramadan, or Why My Fingers Are Crossed For A Sheep

August 12, 2011 by · 368 Comments 

The streets were absolutely silent. No kids running around, no mothers yelling after them. It was a little after one on the first day of Ramadan and the whole neighborhood seemed to be telling me, “For goodness’s sake, get out of this heat, go back inside and preserve what few bodily fluids you have.”

But I had a specific mission this day. Having been raised a Christian in the Midwest of the United States, I have very little first-hand experience with Islam. So on this day I was headed to a friend’s home to learn more about this Ramadan business.

Medya and her family welcomed me into their quieted home. The soporific atmosphere had already gotten to her older brother, who lay sleeping on the couch, while other family members wandered around in their house clothes alternating between reading the Koran and staring into space. So this is it? I wondered.

Thirty days devoted to inactivity and religious texts? If there’s one thing I’ve picked up on about my Muslim friends its their whole-hearted love and respect for God’s will. They are intensely devoted to knowing it, following it and furthering it. I soon discovered that the scene in this room demonstrated no less than this.

Kurdish girl reading the Koran during Ramadan

For the next hour and a half Medya and her siblings (and Google Translate) walked me through the ins and outs of Ramadan. I learned that any good deed done during these 30 days will count for many times over during the rest of the year. They explained people will be more generous, more kind and more caring during this time than any other.

Ramadan is “the month of forgiveness”—a time of fasting and petition before the Most High. A sin forgiven during Ramadan is a sin forgiven 100 times over for the next year. And as Medya reminded me, “God is at all times merciful.” Similarly, if you read the Koran during these 30 days it will be to God as if you’ve read it 30 times. (Medya and her sisters will each read the Koran twice this year—to build a credit of 60 times).

As the afternoon wound down (if that’s possible) they began explaining the concept of “Zikat”. It’s a percentage of all your “saved” assets that must be given to the poor. Any money you’re not using, gold you’re not wearing, or livestock you shepherd must be accounted for. 1 oz of silver for every 140 oz you have, 2.5% of your gold, 1 sheep for every 40. This rule instated by the prophet Muhammed himself has changed some over time.

In most Muslim countries, there is no longer a “Ministry of Zikat” to monitor and distribute these offerings. Instead each family brings their personal percentage of wealth directly to a family in need. “In need” ranges anywhere from abject poverty to refugees to those people displaced because of volunteer work or schooling.

As we covered this last category, Medya’s brother looked at me and laughed, “Lydia—that’s you! Maybe you will get a sheep.”

Lydia Bullock wrote and photographed for us during the 2010 summer internship and then again for 7 months in 2011. She documented surgical missions in northern and southern Iraq. See more of her excellent work on our Flickr stream, or follow her on Twitter: @lydiabullock.

In A Word: “Ramadan Preparation”

August 10, 2011 by · 20 Comments 

Kurdish girls help each other prepare for mosque after a long day of fasting.

Young Kurdish girls in a mosque adjust each other’s veils during evening prayer.

Lydia Bullock wrote and photographed for us during the 2010 summer internship and then again for 7 months in 2011. She documented surgical missions in northern and southern Iraq. See more of her excellent work on our Flickr stream, or follow her on Twitter: @lydiabullock.

Preemptive Love Coalition
© 2007-2013
a 501(c)(3) non-profit
EIN No. 26-2450109
Our Mission
Our Values
Our Children
Our Staff
Remedy Mission
Remedy Fellowship
Patient Feedback & Testimonials
Impact, Results & Financial Reports
Internships & Volunteers
Apply for Internship
Refer Your Intern
Evaluate Your Internship
Frequently Asked Questions
Terms & Conditions
Privacy Policy

  



 IN PARTNERSHIP WITH

Living Light International For Hearts & Souls International Children's Heart Foundation